The Killspell Timmy

MTG Psychographic Profile ramblings

Disclaimer: card images provided by scryfall.com

Many of us know about MTG’s psychographic profiles. These profiles are popularized generalizations about players and what they enjoy about the game, which helps R&D designers conceptualize and design for their audience. Since, however, they have been popularized in online quizzes and other of their ilk as fun personality tests that everyone can get something out of, but that no one should take too seriously.

The Profiles

For those unfamiliar, I’ll do a summary of some basic profiles here. Quotes are paraphrased with help of This Wizards Article (which I recommend you read if you feel inclined):

Timmy/Tammy: This player wants to experience something and plays magic because he/she enjoys the feeling of playing. They’re in it for the fun of big “cool” effects.

Johnny/Jenny: This player is often described as the combo player and plays magic to express something about themselves and be creative and clever. They’re in it for niche, unique interactions.

Spike: This player is often described as the tournoment player, because they enjoy the nature of competition. They want to imrpove their winrate, grind out more games, and otherwise prove how good he or she is. They’re in it for the competition.

* Melvin (rules lawer) and Vorthos (story expert) are not part of this basic set and require further research.

Personally, I consider myself a mix of Timmy/Tammy and Johnny/Jenny. My hipster qualities are more from the latter: I want to create unique game states and win with combinations of cards I haven’t seen before. Ironically, I don’t really like combos in the traditional sense because they feel like too much of a known quantity. Things that are specific and convoluted, however, are cool and unique (such as casting Rush of Vitality on an opponent’s creature, then casting False Cure).

That said, this article is more about my Timmy/Tammy tendencies. Ergo, we can finally make a title drop:

The Killspell Timmy

See, the trick here is that Timmy/Tammy is usually associated with stompy (my personal flavor of stompy is Eldrazi)… but in reality, it’s more about big effects that you think are cool. And gee willikers are some killspells capital-C-O-O-L COOL. Check these out:

Not only do you get to melt a creature from the inside out (like when Yugi Moto polymerized his own Mammoth Graveyard with Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon), but you get to use your opponent’s own strength against them with a massive hit to their life total (I’ve always thought aikido style cards were cool). OH! And you can suspend it early game, too, using time magic to make people not want to drop big threats too early lest they take massive damage. This is one of my favorite cards of all time. Time Spiral had the coolest stuff.

Alright, this card kinda sucks. 14 mana before you kill a single creature? But it does slowly build counters up, paying you with a font of black mana as you kill more and more creatures. After you’ve killed 7 creatures with it, it pays for its own activation! Repeatable target creature removal is always cool in my book… and with art like that, I really feel like a cultist relinquishing the flesh of my opponents’ creatures as blood sacrifice to some shadow god.

I’m not even sure this technically counts as a killspell… but I do love disabling my opponents’ creatures. Right up there with Sludge Monster, if this card were ever Legendary I would play it (Well, maybe not since I don’t know how I would win… save for Burden of Greed). Everything about this card is cool to me. Playing defense. Petrifying creatures so they become colorless artifacts with defender. The way the gorgon in the art caresses a few of the numerous statues in this hallway that she now de-facto owns. Even the superfluous petrification counter which only serves as a marker and doesn’t actually do anything is cool for some reason.

This is an instant speed, one-sided board wipe WITH DISCARD when played against tribal decks, but it actually does a bit more than that. Against non-tribal, decks, you can still use it to hit a creature, or more if they share a type - and since it destroys ALL creatures of that type, you can use it to get around pesky hexproof or shroud cards.

As divisive as Kamigawa was, the Johnny/Jenny in me sings praises for its experimental design and many unique effects. A black enchantment (a hard permanent type to remove) that reduces the attack power of all the things that might try to kill me? Plus it semi-permanently shuts down Toski and many token strategies (not to mention served as the precursor to great sideboard tech like Illness in the Ranks and Virulent Plague). On top of all that, it has amazing flavor: “What happens when the kami of our very souls rise against us?”

Simple, but effective. Whenever a creature comes into play… destroy it. Plus who wants to Time Walk themselves in a multiplayer game? Also hilarious: If you decide you’re not here to play the game and would rather make a sandwich… You can Teferi’s Protection then activate that “skip your next turn” enough times to be phased out until the game ends. If your opponents can’t shuffle their graveyard into the deck, you could literally watch them draw out and die - of course, they’ll probably play the rest of the game against each other and then concede to you.

This is a better version of Dissipation Field. It’s simple and effective deterrence: “don’t attack me unless it’s an alpha strike or everything that hit me will die.” It’s a bit too good at what it does, especially if you’re trying to let your friends with creature decks play the game - maybe try Vengeful Pharoah instead? Honorable mention to Call to the Grave.

I couldn’t resist adding this card here - if you hadn’t guessed by now, Witchcraft is part of my aesthetic. Another Future Sight gem - and a tap ability on an enchantment! Too bad the removal is too specific and it costs too much. Still, I’ve caught myself trying to run it when I can.

As much as I like Mirri as a character, using your life to repeatedly remove creatures - sacrificing your very lifeblood to keep yourself alive - strikes me as the height of a power play. Reminds me of the old days when Kuro, Pitlord used to feel like a powerhouse. I love old black life cost-centric design (gaining that life back is overrated). I often find “nonblack” to be too restrictive.

A newer card for a change, and one of those “too expensive board wipes.” But this one has a similar Aikido effect to Phthisis but instead of punishing going tall, it punishes going wide. Similar to Rakdos Charm, Netherbord Phalanx, or Stronghold Discipline. Honorable mention to Massacre Wurm.

3 Mana is a lot for a 1/1. Thankfully this 1/1 packs a punch. Strong deterrence and repeatable removal are the name of the game here. I love myself the flavor of an assassin sneaking around and racking up a kill count (though cards like Quietus Spike may generate that role in a more proactive way). This card and cards like it harken back to the days of kitchen table magic where I’d disrupt opponents’ gameplans with cards like this, Guul Draz Assassin, and Dark Imposter (another honorable mention) while slowly stalling people out for a Baneful Omen victory. Avatar of Woe is a classic that could fill this slot too (and Intrepid Hero does hold some sway in my heart), but… c’mon, an unassuming assassin with a Clockwork Orange eye is cooler than some avatar.

Alright if you were getting suspicious about the lack of Pestilence and Pestilence Demon effects in this list, I will admit those are super cool. But there are certainly other types of blight in this game that are cool to use. This card is really bad once your opponent has access to any sac outlets, but otherwise, it can cripple them into oblivion, including cutting down on their land size. A more spiteful version of Necrotic Plague.

I feel like it’d be remiss if I didn’t list another classic in MTG history. With a triple black cost and a requirement that you lose creatures, this vindictive board clear can feel quite restrictive… but don’t be fooled, this card is so strong that it can be downright unfun to play against (and I usually end up cutting it and its little friend Dictate of Erebos for that reason). Still, this card has a plethora of cool arts, and I can’t help but feel excited seeing the creepy smile and demon skull hat on this one (originally printed in 9th Edition).

Closing Thoughts

There are a lot of ways to kill things in this game - whether you’re getting a good creature back with Necromantic Selection or turning the dead into an army of zombies with Overseer of the Damned. For me, removal effects are some of the coolest effects in the game, and I love playing them. That’s a big part of why I’m a control player - all of the cards that make me go “OOOOOH I WANT TO DO THAT!!” are usually defensive bombs.

Feel free to comment with any removal spells that strike that “itssocoool” chord for you and fill you with Timmy/Tammy energy.

Of course, if you liked this little excerpt in killspells I like, consider picking up a free subscription so you can eventually read about counterspells I like.